The Belligerent Spectator – Vampires Suck!

      They are everywhere. Movies, television shows, billboards, buses, conventions, even Gillette razor advertisements. Forget it Buffy, I don’t think even you could slay this massive infestation of crapires. Along with successful movies such as Twilight and New Moon, television vampire dramas like True Blood and the new Vampire Diaries bit the jugular vein of many trend-following Americans. It seems that all of these producers, envying the success of Stephanie Meyer’s adolescent novel series, decided to jump on the bandwagon and exploit vampirism for the small amount it is worth.

If I have to see one more t-shirt that reads, “Bite me (vampires only) LOL” or “I only date vampires,” I think I’m going to vomit like I just got hit with swine flu. And worse, I speculate that Halloween is going to consist of teenage mall-goths dressed as Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. Why is this bloody trend snowballing into a cult following? Hopefully it is simply another fifteen-minute HotTopic trend like Tim Burton movies and The Dark Knight merchandise. Not only do these modern day vampires suck (pun intended), but the movies and shows in which they appear are so terrible they are one step below “reality” television. Twilight is giving girls unrealistic expectations of guys and relationships and the plot behind True Blood is just too strange for words. I am also kind of convinced that Robert Pattinson is a creepy vampire in real life and that Anna Paquin’s fake southern accent is giving me ear ulcers.

If, and this is a big garlic-stinking if, vampires were indeed in existence, they would not call you spider monkey and take you to a baseball game. They would launch at your throat and drain your blood so you could not dream of being with Edward Cullen anymore. The main problem that I have with Hollywood vampires is that they are completely romanticized and their overall demeanor has been sugar-coated to the point where they are de-fanged. The literature in which vampires first appeared would tell us otherwise. Vampires are supposed to be blood-sucking demons with no identifiable human emotions. Stereotypically, vampires were feared and hunted, not idolized and desired. Since when do vampires “sparkle?” Whatever happened to Dracula and Nosferatu-esque vampires? I like my classic monsters to have at least a little bit of dignity. In True Blood vampires consort with and even protect humans. The show actually acquires its name from the fictional drink “True Blood.” The drink is a synthetic form of human blood that vampires drink so they are not tempted to harm their precious mortal friends. There are even prop advertisements for this drink with the tagline being “Friends don’t let friends drink friends.” Seriously kids, classic literature shows us that vampires only want you for your blood, not your companionship.

          Fellow Americans, lay off the vampire blood and leave the angst and lust for unrealistic romantic scenarios to Twilight obsessed, tween fan girls. All I’m saying is that vampirism’s fifteen minutes in the limelight are almost up, and time is waiting with a wooden stake. 

Psychedelic Jungle –The Cramps

      Halloween, being my all-time favorite holiday, solely means two things; Evil Dead movie night, and listening to Psychedelic Jungle by The Cramps for the entire month of October. This rockabilly gem with a ghoulish twist is not only innovative, but it also created the subgenre “Psychobilly.” If Elvis Presley was a zombie, paired with a skeleton playing bass, maybe even a howlin’ werewolf drummer and ghosts in the background, I’d imagine that they would be similar to The Cramps.

     In 1981 The Cramps led by husband and wife duo Lux Interior and Poison Ivy Rorschach released their masterpiece Psychedelic Jungle. Their second, and later to be considered their greatest album starts off with a real killer Green Fuzz. This song is a rockabilly declaration that the band is green, slimy and coming your way. With thick bass lines and a sprinkling of 12 bar blues, Goo Goo Muck also incorporates Zappa-esque howls and caws to concoct a horrific mixture with ghostly overtones. The song Voodoo Idol uses a raw and edgy sound as Lux’s spine-chilling vocals compliment the overall macabre theme.  One of the more catchy songs on the album, The Crusher is a morbid dance song where Lux encourages everyone to do such dances as “The Eye Gouge” and “The Hammerlock.” Lux shows his twisted sense of humor through one of the albums better tracks, Don’t Eat Stuff Off the Sidewalk. Through voodoo-like drum rhythms and eerie guitar riffs, Lux croons, “You don’t need it/ So don’t eat it/ No, don’t eat stuff off the sidewalk.”

     Overall, I can’t help but smile at this entire album and think that it is pure genius. With Poison Ivy’s rhythm guitar and Lux Interior’s nonsense lyrics Psychedelic Jungle is sort of a satirical ode to old school horror b-movies. With their characteristic groove, classic sound, innovative psychobilly rock, and perfect delivery, The Cramps are undeniably a must-have addition to any Halloween playlist.

Psychedelic Jungle

 

My Aim Is True- Elvis Costello

          As the needle on my record player lets out a soft crackle Elvis Costello’s sweet crooning fills my speakers and my heart with joy. In an unheard of twenty-four hours the album My Aim Is True was recorded and produced. In this 1976 debut album, Costello borrows Buddy Holly’s black glasses and geeky style and blends it with the satirical bitterness of a love-scorned man. In the first lines of the first song Costello plants his tongue firmly in his cheek and it remains there throughout the entire album. In a time when bands like The Ramones and Joy Division were gaining popularity, Elvis Costello released this twelve-track beauty and created a unique marriage of the angry bitterness of punk and the melodic sensitivity of the sock-hop jukebox. The album as a whole is a mix of new wave, punk, and sixties pop that’s so sugary it will leave you with cavities. 

     Most of Elvis’ songs deal with the fear of connecting with someone else. With lyrical intellect he belts about love lost, heartache, and teases. In the dance along hit Sneaky Feelings Costello sings “Sneaky feelings, sneaky feelings/You can't let those kind of feelings show/I'd like to get right through the way I feel for you/But I've still got a long way to go”. No Dancing could easily be the slow “doo-wap” song played after a fatal chicken race in a James Dean movie. One of the best songs on the album, Blame It On Cain is an ode to the legacy of Cain and the hypocrisy human nature. Another delicious track on this album is Less Than Zero. An upbeat killer, Costello takes charge on British politics and Politian Oswald Mosley while singing “Calling Mister Oswald with the swastika tattoo/There is a vacancy waiting in the English voodoo.”

     Overall My Aim Is True holds the rawness and edginess of a debut album while collectively remaining sensitive and heartfelt. Every song on the album is relatable and this album could easily be considered a life soundtrack.

My Aim Is True

Loveless - My Blood Valentine

      If you have not yet been introduced to the alternative sub-genre shoegaze, I suggest you start with this cliché but amazing album by My Bloody Valentine.  This sophmore album, released in 1991 brought shoegaze into the mainstream later to have bands like M83 and Asobi Seksu follow in their footsteps (pun intended).

So let me break this down for you; the term “shoegaze” is derived from the fact that pioneer bands such as My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, and The Jesus and Mary Chain would gaze or stare at their shoes in a dream-like trance whilst performing. Like all good things, shoegaze originated in the United Kingdom sometime around the late 1980’s. A melting pot of guitar feedback, undistinguishable lyrics, underwater riffs, and an overall lucid ambience, shoegaze is the tasty nectar of gods.

The album starts with the consuming song “Only Shallow”. Beginning with a drum count-off the song progresses into guitar shrills and feedback fuzz.  With dream pop lyrics, the introduction slowly picks up into a harder almost unidentifiable arrangement of distorted notes and beats. The soft slightly indecipherable vocals of Bilinda Butcher create a harmonious marriage to the gnarled instrumentation.

A familiar song, “Sometimes” was set to a Tokyo montage to complement Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansen’s budding friendship in Lost in Translation. Entering the realm of a dream state, the lulling song can be easily considered the best on the album. Kevin Shields pounds away on nickel wound strings as his muffled vocals melt in an out of the mix to compose the perfect ambient theme.

I think that Loveless is the only album I have ever discovered where the last track was completely fitting for its ending wave. “Soon” is seven minutes of a musical rollercoaster. The song starts with a thick bass line accompanied by Kevin Shields’ steady guitar chords. Suddenly, a riff of eight high notes repeated creates the perfect melodic uplift, which is sparsely scattered throughout the song. The melody is then counter acted by Shields’ vocal slurs to lead the melody to bring the song back up again.

     The album as a whole is so innovative it is the definition of musical originality. Being on my own High Fidelity inspired “Top 5” I highly urge everyone to try this album (preferably on vinyl). Just look for the dark pink amorphous album cover in your local record store. 

Loveless

Doolittle – The Pixies

      Through the demise of Tyler Durden in the movie adaption of Chuck Palahniuk’s psychological thriller Fight Club, the song “Where is My Mind?” by The Pixies became an overnight classic. While Black Francis has everyone in the audience singing “With your feet in the air and your head on the ground”, to the non-music elitist The Pixies are no more than a one hit wonder band. However, those who have explored the band beyond Fight Club have come to love Black Francis’ lyrical genius paired with Kim Deal’s thick bass lines.

      The album that I personally feel best showcases the band’s innovative and unique sound is their 1989 release Doolittle. The album starts off with “Debaser”, an upbeat kicker that pays homage to the surrealistic Salvador Dali flick Un Chien Andalou. One of the more lyrically exceptional tracks, “Wave of Mutilation” is filled with underwater riffs and slow drumbeats, perfect for a rainy drive. “Here Comes Your Man” is a song that embodies 1960’s beach parties with catchy lyrics and upbeat guitar licks. Francis Black croons a crusade against the destruction of the natural world in “Monkey Gone to Heaven”. In whistle-along hit “La La Love You” drummer David Lovering appropriately takes over vocals. The song is a tongue-in-cheek ode to love versus lust as Lovering sings, "All I'm saying pretty baby La la love you, don't mean maybe." One of the best songs on the album, “Hey”, starts off with a mellow bass riff and a duet between Black Francis and Kim Deal. As the subtle guitar and drums join in Francis repeats, “We’re chained” over and over again paralleled to a whiney guitar squeal. There’s something terribly heartfelt and incredibly beautiful about the way Black Francis croaks, “If you go, I will surely die”. The last song to look out for on Doolittle is the rough gem “Gouge Away”. One of the more grungy tracks, “Gouge Away” is an angrily vocalized rendition of the biblical story of Samson. With clenched teeth Francis grits “Gouge away, you can gouge away, stay all day, if you want to”.

     Overall the whole album is a myriad of musical styles that maintain the same insanity of Francis’ artistic genius. The marriage between Kim Deal’s simplistic vocals and Francis’ howls and screeches creates

Doolittle